August 2025
On other people's opinions, making stuff, and other good things.
On Other People’s Opinions
I used to have this thing where I desperately wanted other people to tell me what I was doing “wrong” — to point out the things I was doing that were detrimental to me that I wasn’t noticing. I felt I could clearly see patterns in other people’s lives that were harming them or keeping them stuck and felt that the reverse must also be true; that they could clearly see what I was doing that was keeping me stuck and so please could they just tell me so I could know and work on changing those things.
The other day I was thinking about how badly I used to want these third-party insights and what people might say when it hit me: many times throughout my life, people actually have given me unsolicited opinions on what I should be doing. If you’re also a creative person I’m sure you’ve heard things like this before: “You should sell these!” “Why don’t you just make art full time?” “If you did <x> you could make so much money!” Since becoming a therapist I also hear some new ones, like “You should just quit your job and start a private practice! That’s where the money is” (many of people’s recommendations seem to be about ways I should be making a living). Of course I know all of these people mean well and I know for a fact that I say the same sorts of things to other people. I don’t point this out to shame them, but rather to highlight that people HAD been telling me what they thought I should do to move forward with my life/be happier/make more money— so why did I still have this deep unfulfilled desire for someone to come along and tell me what to do next?
The person in my life who’s had the most opinions about what I should do was always my mother. I’m sure many of you can relate— whether outwardly voicing their thoughts or quietly wishing them, all parents have dreams for their children and those dreams form deep little complexes inside of us. Some of us live our entire lives trying to make our parents proud only to find out that they were proud of us all along; others try their hardest to rebel against their upbringing only to arrive back right where they started. For me, it was a mixture of asking my mom for approval and advice and also feeling a constant need to succeed at things in hopes of gaining her approval, even when she wasn’t aware of what I was doing. It’s now so easy to see how over-reliant I was on her opinion, but at the time it felt natural— I didn’t know any other way to be.
I think this is why in 2015, when my mom died, something big started to shift in me. My main source of external validation vanished, and I soon realized that I had nothing to prove to anyone for the first time in 27 years. I began to explore and dig deeper to try to figure out who I was and what living a good life meant to me. These past 10 years have been a wild ride— in some ways I feel like a completely different person but in many I feel like I’m actually arriving right back to myself, to who I was 10 or even 20 years ago.
When I was 7, I knew a lot of things about myself. I knew I wanted to be a working artist (I ran a “stamps” booth that I would set up outside selling “stamps” aka tiny pieces of paper stamped with a rubber chick stamp for 5 cents each), I knew I didn’t want children (simply had no interest in baby dolls or playing “mom”), I knew I loved the ocean and to watch the world go by from my window, and I knew that I wanted to constantly be trying new things.
In reflecting on what’s changed over the years, the main thing I’ve noticed is how much I’ve let fear and anxiety take over— both my own fears and those shared by others. As we get older, we often gain more responsibility, feel we have more to lose, and our worries about even small things can grow out of control, so I know some of this fear and anxiety buildup is only natural. As I’ve done more of my own therapy, I’ve begun to realize that much of my persistent fear and anxiety is unwarranted, though, and acts as a shield to try to protect myself from perceived dangers that, when I really examine them, aren’t actually real. Recently I’ve been exploring what happens when I take that shield down. Am I left vulnerable and likely to be hurt, or does shedding that weight lighten me up to live more authentically?
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who wants to “reconnect to their inner child” (I’m glad that apparently cringe is dead so I can share all these cringe thoughts with ya’ll) but here I am, letting my 7-year-old wisdom and naive bravery guide me into this next phase of life. In my therapy work with children I’m constantly shook by young peoples’ honest and poignant views of their families and of the world— if adults can just take the time to slow down and listen, we can learn so much from them. It should have come to no surprise to me then that 7 year old me’s opinions of what I should do with my life would be much more valuable than those of other jaded and fearful adults, yet here I am at 37 just figuring this out.
At the start of 2025, one of my personal goals was to be better about not taking other people’s opinions to heart so quickly. I had thought this would mean getting better at filtering out the noise and judgement I sometimes feel from the external world, but I now realize that it actually means tuning in more deeply to my internal voice. I’m realizing that I’ve let the fears and anxieties of the world pile up so high in me that I can barely hear my own voice sometimes. As I’ve begun to take this wall down, I’m so happy to hear that she’s still in there, and each day her voice becomes more clear.
↓
↓
Some Little Pictures:
(from top left to bottom right)
↓
August Playlist
Before I share the playlist: As I mentioned last month, I recently discovered the co-op music platform Subvert that is currently in the works and this month I received my welcome packet. If the platform is half as thoughtful as the materials they distributed about it then it’s sure to be something great! The updates that have been being shared on the message boards also have me hopeful about what they’re working on. I’m excited to get access to the beta and will report back!
In other news: it seems like a lot of great new releases have been coming out recently? I don’t know anything about music release “seasons” but we appear to be in a good one. Here is a playlist with some of my recent favs!
↓
Image above: two works in progress, in which I’m trying to figure out the right balance between oils and pastels. it’s a journey!
Recent Work: Actually Painting
Well you guys, it happened: after over a decade of will-she-wont-she dips in and out of painting, I feel like I’m actually back. Time will tell, of course, but the past few months have been filled with more consistent art making and inspiration than I’ve experienced in years. In reflecting on what shifted to make this change possible I’ve noticed a few key factors:
Having a designated space to make art. I’ve always been working with small, transitory spaces so have often created art on multi-use surfaces that require me to pack up supplies when I need to work on my computer, sew, or use the surface for something other than painting. By re-working my small space to have a designated painting corner, I’ve reduced the barrier to creating greatly and have noticed it results in me spending time at the easel much more casually and for shorter, more frequent sessions, which really works for me. My room might be more cluttered but the tradeoff has definitely been worth it!
Carving out time during the week to make art. I’ve read about a billion times that you really just need to carve out time for a daily art making practice and then commit to actually doing it in order to get into a flow but I’ve constantly made excuses for myself over the years, like: I’m too busy! or: I’m too hard on myself, I need to let myself rest. or: I’ll make time on the weekend, that will be enough. A creative practice is called a practice for a reason, and it turns out if you want to have one you simply must make the time for it. That’s really all there is to it!
Experimenting with materials. I really am trying to buy less stuff, and so have often been precious with art materials— something may not feel like it’s working but I’ll double down and try to force it to work rather than try something new because I don’t want to be wasteful or to admit that something I already own just isn’t the thing for me. Recently I’ve completely let all that go out the window and have essentially given myself an unlimited budget for art supplies. Of course I don’t go wild with this, but it has been freeing to try something out, see what works and what I like, and to let it go if I don’t. One surprising result of this is ending back where I started with oil painting— I explored acrylics, slow dry acrylics, many types of pastels, and many surfaces among other things before realizing that actually what feels the best to me are still my tried and true oil paints (though I use the water based kind now!).
Following joy rather than expectations. Related to the essay above: something shifted in me recently and I no longer care if my paintings are good or bad. I’m accepting that there is something in me that needs to create and wants to show my work in order to form more connections in this world. I’m using my art to explore and to investigate and have no expectations about where the work will go. We’ll see if this shifts, but for now I’m really enjoying the process and excited to finally be spending more time in this creative mindset.
Letting go of fear and a scarcity mindset. Related to #4: I realized recently that much of what has held me back to committing to my painting and art making practice has been driven by fear, specifically fear of not having enough or being enough. Maybe my recent EMDR training shifted something in my brain or maybe nearing age 40 is finally providing me with some age-based wisdom, but I’m letting go of that fear and have started telling myself fairly constantly that I am enough and I have everything I need. This mindset is allowing me to imagine a new future for myself; one where I can accept and own my role as a creative person and can share what I know with others. The proliferation of AI on every platform is also inspiring me to crate and share more things that are uniquely human.
I hope some of these tips can be helpful for you too! If you’re struggling with 4 or 5, let me just say: I’m right there with you, sister. It’s a journey! But I’m here to tell you that it’s ok and you’re ok and you should really just go for it.
↓
Some Other Good Things
I just finished the audiobook of The Art of Frugal Hedonism and though the narrator is a bit “cheeky” (her words not mine), I do recommend! Some key takeaways are that you already have everything you need (a favorite mantra of mine) and that by slowing down and minimizing resource needs, you can find more happiness even with a tighter budget. It was also validating to hear someone else who gets super annoyed by the excess amounts of wasted/duplicate foods at potlucks and the endless cycle of home renovations that are normalized in the world today.
I somehow had no idea until a few days ago that one of my favorite contemporary artists, Jeremy Miranda, has a Patreon where he posts process videos and more and am now devouring everything on there. Highly recommend if you’re into painting at all!
I went to a Risograph workshop at Max’s Garage Press the other day and had such a great time practicing on the machines and meeting other artists! Highly recommend a lil class if you’re feeling a need for creative community or inspiration.
As referenced above: I’m midway through an EMDR training and it is so cool you guys! It’s basically brain magic. Highly recommend to anyone who is interested in trying something new in the therapy space. Here’s a quick explainer video if you’re unfamiliar (my teacher said we should also mention that Prince Harry does EMDR to gain buy-in but I don’t think I need to tell you guys that… and now I have :) )
A days of the week vitamin container. I had been using a cute Hello Kitty pill container but there were only 6 slots and no day labels, so I was constantly getting confused and not taking (or taking double) of my vitamins (yes it’s true, we all have ADHD). I had resisted the days of the week style container for so long because it simply is not as cute but I’m here to tell you that I was wrong and that this simple tool has solved all my problems. Sometimes it really is that easy!
↓
Thanks for reading – see you next month!
so much of like is remembering what we once knew- either about ourselves, the world, or the nature of things