Good Things: May 2022
Updates and other good things from Gill D. Creative
Image above: a group of penguins pondering next moves
Notes from a first year Marriage and Family Therapy Trainee
If you have kids, are a student, or are on social media then you might already know what time it is: SUMMER BREAK!! This week marks the end of the school year in Alameda County and that means it’s been 10 months since I began providing therapy services as a Marriage and Family Therapy Trainee to middle and high school students. Though I don’t have much to compare my experience to, from what I’ve heard it was quite a different and difficult year compared to years past. Whether because of or despite the hardships that the year brought, I feel like I got a real crash course in working with young people and so have selfishly decided to use this space to publicly reflect on the experience. Enjoy!
Being present & creating space are all you need. If I could take one thing away from this year it’s that simply being present for someone else and holding space for them really is the most powerful part of therapy (and relationships in general TBH). This is an evidence-based fact and though my professors, supervisors, and basically every clinical professional I talked to kept repeating it I, as a nervous new practitioner, still often felt the need to come equipped to sessions with interventions and materials to fill and structure the time. Over and over again, however, I was shown that letting the client fill the space however they felt necessary was much more powerful and, through creating a safe, non-judgmental space, they would never have difficulty doing so.
Let go of control. Many difficult situations came up throughout the year that left me wondering “did I do enough?” Whether working with a suicidal client, watching a client make decisions that I would never make myself, or simply questioning something I said during a session, my mind would race through “what-ifs” and additional support I “should” have provided. At the end of the day, however, I am just a person who provides space, support, and resources, and it is the client’s decision how to move forward from there. Of course there are situations where professionals and adults do need to intervene but in 9 cases out of 10 the answer to my anxiety was to run through the actions I took to support my client, note that I did all I could, and practice self-care by accepting my limitations and moving on with the day. This learning has extended into the rest of my life and has helped me let go of a lot of things that used to stress me out simply through accepting what I can and cannot control.
Everything is a spectrum. I entered my counseling program half expecting to be able to label everyone with a diagnosis and solve all their problems through a combination of therapeutic techniques, homework, and medication, but I learned almost immediately that this is far from how people work. The truth is that all people are different and rather than “fixing” people, therapy is all about helping folks live with their unique circumstances and to manage any symptoms that are hindering their well-being so they can live the best, most fulfilling lives possible. There is no “broken” or “fixed,” only a lifetime of experiences, growth, and change.
Life is hard and that’s ok. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life and recently, exhausted by all the things, re-entered therapy to try to get it under control. I was referred to a psychiatrist to explore medication possibilities and after reviewing many different options, she hit me with the hard truth: though I could take a pill to relieve my symptoms temporarily, for my situation long-term medication would only act as a mask. Though I’ve learned many techniques to help me manage my anxiety, I was tired of having to constantly turn to them and was looking for a way to banish it once and for all— an easy way out. Turns out, as with most things in life, there is no magic answer and the key is changing habits and learning what works best for me. I wanted to share this anecdote as a micro-metaphor for the larger hardships that we all face: though hardships won’t magically disappear, we can process them, accept them, and live wonderful, happy lives in spite of (or even because of) them.
Kids know what’s up. Have you talked to a kid recently? They are so in touch with their intuition and their bullshit meters are 100% accurate! I’ve loved every part of my work with young people but maybe my favorite part of all was hearing their raw opinions of our modern world. I don’t care what anyone else says, I’m on board with these kids when they say that school is simply too much, that adults are confusing and overcomplicate things, and that sleeping in is much more important than anything that can happen during zero period. While I do still think they spend too much time on their phones, I don’t think our future is as hopeless as TikTok might make adults think.
Stay tuned for part II of this reflection rant, in which I will cover what you need to know if you’re considering counseling school. Spoiler alert: my program was NOT what I thought it was going to be and I’m here to dish the deets! Let me know if you have any specific questions and I’ll be sure to answer them next month.
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Image above: three gorgeous handmade quilt blocks and finished quilts by Randi Hodson. From left to right: colorful house blocks, a winding snake made of angular shapes, and vibrant geometric blocks with hand-sewn quilting details.
Featured Maker: Randi Hodson (AKA my aunt randi)
I am very lucky to be a member of a family that is full of talented, creative individuals but maybe the most prolific and skilled of them all is my aunt Randi, who can pop out a gorgeous, full-sized, hand-quilted masterpiece in a couple of days. I will never understand quite how she does it but thankfully we don’t need to understand the “how” in order to marvel at her work. From handcrafted collaged snow scenes to geometric abstract rainbow mindscapes, Randi has really done it all continues to constantly amaze me with the breadth and craft of her work. Follow along on Instagram to check out her catalog of work and keep up to date on her latest quilts!
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Image above: a young girl in a dodgers jersey holding a baseball mitt with a blue visor and a toothy smile
May Playlist: The Future
This months playlist is all about looking into the future: whether exciting, scary, apocalyptic, plagued by choice or inevitability, or any of the other big feels that come alongside forward thinking. I hope it brings you as much positive introspection as it does existential dread!
Track List:
In Heaven (Lady in the Radiator Song) : David Lynch & Alan R. Splet
€ € € €^^%%!!!!!heaven!!!!!! : Baths & Lala Lala
It Can Feel So Good : Zammuto
Take A Chance (feat Little Dragon) : Flume & Little Dragon
Blankenship : DIIV
We Don’t Know What Tomorrow Brings : The Smile
All Mirrors (Johnny Jewel Remix) : Angel Olsen & Johnny Jewel
Dark Days (feat Sylvan Esso) : Local Natives & Sylvan Esso
Nature Of The Experiment : Tokyo Police Club
Range Life : Pavement
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Image above: a sketch of the parts and phases of a lemon’s growth made with various pencils next to the box of tools used to create it
Recent Work: Off The Grid
Last month I finally decided that enough was enough re: how Instagram was taking up my time and making me feel so I decided to delete the app from my phone and stay “off the grid” for a while. I have a super conflicted relationship with technology, especially Instagram, that I know is not unique at all to me but it still felt like I was moving to a cabin in the woods and cutting off all ties to humanity by removing myself from the feed.
Let me tell you something, though: I feel MUCH better after having left this space for over a month now. My mind feels lighter and I feel like I have more free thought space to fill with ideas that are my own rather than content that is being pushed at me. I’ve been creating work without that nagging feeling of if/when I will share it with others and it’s allowed me to try styles and mediums that I haven’t touched in years. I don’t know why these things felt so impossible to do while on Instagram— it’s like the app was a constant voice in my mind that I couldn’t mute.
Still, I do miss seeing all the art, music, and writing that my friends and favorite artists create. So I’m reaching out with a question: what are your favorite ways to find art and music online? Are you able to have a healthy relationship with Instagram (and if so: HOW), or have you found other avenues to stay on top of things? I’m loving following artists who have Substacks and Patreons— please send me your favorites if you have any, or send other platforms that you like!
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Image above: cute lil purple flowers with yellow circle centers
Some Other Good Things
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. I’m taking a sex therapy class this quarter and I can honestly say it’s my favorite class of my program so far and has been super eye opening! This is one book that I read this quarter and I really love how it uses scientific facts to dispute long-held myths about sexuality, power dynamics, and gender roles. The author’s tone is not my favorite but I still think it’s worth a read if you’d like to learn more about human sexuality!
Made For Love, Season 2. Ok so listen I know this isn’t the greatest show ever (looking at you, Ryane and Joe!) but I stand by it! This show is so fun and I love relating to the main character, especially as her relationship with big tech evolves in season 2 (we hate it, we rely on it, we hate it more, we hate ourselves?). I had forgotten that season 2 came out until my own therapist recommended it to me and now I’m back in.
Couple’s Therapy on Showtime. This show was recommended to me by a friend/therapist (thank you Anna!) and is mesmerizing and will almost definitely lead to great conversations with your partner/friends/co-watchers. I dare you to start the first episode that I linked here and not want to binge all 3 seasons in one weekend.
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Thanks for reading – see you next month!