On other people’s energy
The other day as I was getting out of the car with my dog Roo, a woman was approaching on the sidewalk with her two dogs, so Roo and I waited by the car for her to pass. When she finally noticed us, she scowled at us and angrily yelled “HOLY SHIT!” before quickly turning to cross the street. The woman continued to glare at us and mutter under her breath as she hurried away.
Even though I knew this weird interaction had nothing to do with me and everything to do with whatever this woman had going on, my body was physically shaking afterwards. Sometimes the body picks up energy even when the mind isn’t aware of what’s going on— you can call it intuition or an overactive amygdala, but I like to think of it as a 6th sense everyone has that many of us don’t pay attention to or hone nearly enough (My friend Maya likes to think of it as an “antennae” that we have to work to strengthen. I love that description!) Even though my mind was still focused on getting into my warm house, my body picked up this woman’s negativity and needed to “shake it off” (humans can “shake off” nervous energy just like dogs can— one of my favorite vagal balancing tricks). As my shakes subsided, I was left wondering about this phenomenon of picking up other people’s energy, especially the negative stuff that I don’t really want stuck to me.
I’ve always felt sensitive to the energy of others but didn’t start thinking about how to protect and manage my own energy until studying how to channel energy (in the form of “Reiki”) in 2019. My teacher helped me visualize a “protective blue bubble” that I could conjure to surround me at all times, especially during moments where I wanted to ensure that no energy would “stick” to me. The physics of the imaginary bubble are this: it allows positive energy to spread but prevents energy loss and the entry of any unwanted energy, allowing the person in the bubble to send good energy outward without taking anything unwanted in. This visualization has really worked for me, and I’ve continued to use my bubble everywhere from therapy sessions to visiting new spaces and people out in the world. Of course sometimes forget to use my bubble, though, and am left feeling drained.
My magical blue bubble boundary is not the only boundary that I struggle with— the word “boundary” is so often weaponized and used to justify rude or unhealthy behavior (not to mention how overused it is— even reading it so many times in this essay makes me cringe!) that for most of my life I ended up turning away from this concept entirely until recently when my own therapist pointed out that my boundaries could really use some work. It turns out that my commitment to being honest and authentically myself had resulted in a pretty stark lack of boundaries that were leaving not only me but those around me vulnerable to becoming pretty dysregulated by whatever ups or downs happened to be going on with me in any given moment. In my quest for authenticity, I’d end up sharing parts of myself that I didn’t actually want my boss or colleagues to know or would present unfiltered vent-rants to friends who were definitely not ready for that energy. I would leave situations knowing that something felt off and feeling depleted, but I wasn’t exactly sure why until my therapist hit the nail on the head: I needed to figure out what my boundaries are and how I want to show up for others not just for their sake, but to help me protect my own energy.
Around the same time I received this advice from my therapist, I read this piece by Rachel Howe of Small Spells, in which she beautifully describes the tension between wanting to show up fully and the value of being selective about what we show others:
As an intuitive person, I always need reminding that everyone else can’t see or know everything going on inside of me. I tended to neglect the upkeep of my threshold self, of my presence, because I thought it didn’t make a difference, as everyone can see inside me anyway. As I learned that this was not true, and that how we present ourselves has a large influence in terms of creating relationships and having experiences in the world, it became empowering to cultivate that part of myself. Cultivation includes maintenance: tossing what is expired and polishing what is ready to shine.
I’m including her illustration from the piece here because I think this image is a great way to think about boundaries and how to fine tune the ways I show up in the world. I used to think that I needed to be unmasked in every situation in order to be true to myself, but now understand the value of being mindful about which self I bring to different spaces. One space that I already do this is with therapy patients— thankfully I’m not showing up to sessions venting about my stressful day. Instead, before every session I take a minute to breathe deeply, ground myself, and prepare to receive my patient however they show up that day. I am still authentically myself, but I have my blue bubble up that lets positive energy through and keeps my own difficult stuff hidden.
How I want to show up in other spaces is definitely still a work in progress but keeping the visualizations of the mask & blue bubble top of mind have been super helpful as I try to define these new boundaries. I’ve found that even just the act of being intentional about how I show up has been helpful, regardless of the end result. For instance, at work the other day I decided that I’d wear my professional and efficient mask with my colleagues and would keep my personal stuff tucked away and found myself happier, more productive, and - counter to what I originally expected - more connected to them.
In reflecting back on the situation with the dog lady, I realize that even with the healthiest of boundaries I’m still prone to pick up a bit of other people’s energy. I think this quality is a gift and something I’d like to continue to hone rather than try to turn off, and part of honing this sensitivity is to know when and how to take extra steps to clear my energy. There are lots of different tools I use to do this, but below is my favorite quick little reset that I do between therapy sessions or after a long day— I hope it can help you when you need a reset too!
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Some Little Pictures
(from top left to bottom right)
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Recent Work: A big painting!
One of my goals for this year was to paint bigger, so when my friend Jamie reached out looking for a big painting for a short film she was working on it seemed like the perfect opportunity to volunteer. The ask was for a different subject matter and style than I usually work in but I had such a fun time collaborating with her and trying out some new ways of working. This project also got me much more comfortable with acrylics, another goal I’ve had! So excited that I actually ended up accomplishing these things this year— sometimes things just line up.
This project has inspired me to continue to explore new media and to not box in my style or content just because I’m worried about creating “consistent” work. I’m excited to do more experimenting into the new year!
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Audio stuff: Podcast app recommendations?
Ok so I FINALLY am taking the leap and jumping over to Tidal from Spotify (be my friend!) but I didn’t realize that Tidal no longer has podcasts. What podcast apps do you all like? I used to use Stitcher but didn’t love it, and I heard Google Podcasts has been absorbed into the YouTube ecosystem. Does anyone use/like Pocket Casts or Overcast? I’m looking for something with download capabilities and easy discoverability based on things I’ve liked. TYVM!!
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Some Other Good Things
I clicked this video because I thought I would learn some fun little note taking tips from Joan Didion but instead found some deep wisdom that went way beyond tactical strategies. As the author of the video also shared, I love the reframe of notes as a record of how one feels in relationship to the world rather than an attempt to document a moment as it is— and this lens does make me want to journal more so I think the tip is already working!
Related: I’m back on my “morning pages” routine! This time I’m not being precious about when I do it and not beating myself up if I miss a day. I also think my tools are greatly improving my adherence to the project: (1) I love this cheap notebook that is the perfect size and is cute yet doesn’t feel fancy so I’m not worried to mess it up (2) I’ve got carpal tunnel and trigger finger so journaling often hurts my hand big time, but this fountain pen and this ballpoint pen have been major game changers for me.
This article on AI from intuitive queen Casey Zabala— she so perfectly puts into words so many of the thoughts I’ve been having about AI’s effects on us as individuals and a community.
Obsessed with Night Tapes right now
I recently listened to an illustrator talk about time-boxing her sketching process using a little gravity timer so obviously I had to get one and have honestly been surprised by how much use this cute little timer has been getting on my desk! I love how many time options there are and how easy it is to use, and I love not having a stressful countdown displayed all the time.
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Thanks for reading – see you next month!
I've been using Downcast for a lot of years. For iPad + iPhone. It can sync progress across devices. Oh and wild, the link says there's a Mac app too but I've not tried that. https://downcastapp.com