March 2026
On positivity, continuing the 100 day project, and other good things.
Toxic positivity vs healthy optimism
I’m sure you’ve noticed that there are plenty of bad things going on in the world these days, but have you also noticed that there are quite a few good things? For instance, otters, or springtime, or a dog twitching it’s paws in it’s sleep. How much of your day would you say is focused on good things vs not so positive things, like the news or that hole in your yard or the fact that you still haven’t gotten the raise you wanted? If you’re like me lately, you’ve probably found yourself ruminating far more on the dark bits than the highlights.
It’s normal to have challenging periods in life, but sometimes when there are lots of hard things happening it can become difficult to continue to see the good things that make getting through those tough times manageable. Sometimes it takes a lot of work and intention for me to steer my focus to the positive, but when I get there I’m able to see much more clearly that life isn’t all good or bad and that my happiness often lies in between. When practicing positive thinking, I have to be mindful not to sway too far into posi territory and become THAT GIRL who’s like “well at least…” and “look on the bright side…” — there’s a fine line between focusing on the positive and “toxic” positivity. I’m sure we’ve all experienced a friend, family member, or colleague who masks all of life’s complexities under a veil of positivity— it’s weird, it’s unsettling, and what’s most validating for me to remember is that it’s actually totally unhealthy.
The difference between the “healthy optimism” I’m seeking vs “toxic positivity” that pushes looking on the bright side a bit too far lies in accepting difficult emotions while choosing to focus and take action to move towards positive ones. This distinction can be subtle and hard to spot, but steering clear of “toxic positivity” is key to avoiding symptoms like mood swings, lashing out, shame and guilt that can come with it.
Here are a few simple steps to boost positive thinking in a healthy way:
Acknowledge difficult/complicated emotions. Whether processing your own emotions or helping someone else cope, it’s important to notice and acknowledge the full range of emotions without dismissing or suppressing them. Alex Shearer likens emotions to water flowing through your body. “When you suppress a negative emotion, it creates a blockage in the flow of water. The water can re-route temporarily, but over time, that blockage is going to build and build, and soon, you’re going to burst.”
Don’t judge difficult emotions. Healthy positivity involves noticing your emotions and letting them flow through your body without judgement (easier said than done!). Make time to sit with your feelings, experience them however you need to (tears, pain— this part may not be fun), and get curious about what’s coming up. What are your difficult emotions telling you? Remember to be compassionate with yourself and practice self-care— you don’t need to “raw dog” your emotions and can instead feel your feelings in gentle, kind ways.
Practice positive psychology strategies. Once you validate and feel your challenging emotions, there are lots of little practices you can use to focus on the positive and take action to move your life in a direction that feels supportive. Many positive psychology strategies may seem small but by practicing them daily your thought patterns will begin to shift and reveal more brightness all around.
Some positive psychology strategies to try include:
• Practicing daily gratitude. Taking even a moment to recognize one or two good things in your life each day can really start to shift your perspective.
• Practicing positive self talk. Do you have a voice in your head that is constantly being so mean to you? If so, this one will likely feel super unnatural at first but try repeating an affirmation every morning or whenever you notice those negative messages popping up. For instance, if you constantly beat yourself up for being “lazy” or not doing enough, you might benefit from saying something like “I choose progress over perfection.”
• Practice mindfulness to regulate emotions. If you continue to ruminate on challenging thoughts or feelings, a mindfulness practice could be just the ticket to help you become more present in the moment. There are lots of paths into a mindfulness practice, but some of my favorites are the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, imagining thoughts like clouds floating by or cars on the road, and using recorded meditations like those in the Madrona or Tapping Solution apps.
Once I’ve acknowledged my challenging emotions and gotten into a calm, present state, I try to use what’s come up as information to tell me what to do next. If I’m finding that I’m constantly getting myself into the same sorts of situations that are causing me distress, how can I make different decisions in the future? Or if a specific person is pushing my boundaries, how can I adjust or make my boundaries more clear? As I wrote about last year, venting forever isn’t healthy— the key is to change your situation and move in a direction that’s more aligned with your values.
I find that the hardest step is to put enough distance between myself, the situation, and my emotions to see things clearly so I can decide what to do next to move myself in a positive direction. Even when I get to that calm, impartial place, it can be hard to make “wise mind” decisions that take both my rational, logical brain and my emotional, intuitive brain into account. If this is tough for you too, just remember to take it easy and give yourself grace— putting energy into noticing and shifting focus to the positive is the most important part, and if you continue to do this daily then your life will gradually shift in a more positive direction.
I hope this helps even a little bit— if you have little strategies you like to use to focus on the positive, I’d love to hear them!
Sources:
- https://www.alexgshearer.com/blog/vtq2t2i85z7i4q6w7u8vhqiqrx8xsu
- https://psyche.co/ideas/what-makes-toxic-positivity-different-from-a-healthy-attitude
- https://positivepsychology.com/positive-psychology-interventions/
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Some Little Pictures
(from top left to bottom right)
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Recent Work: continuing the 100 day project
It’s currently day 37 of the 100 day project, which means I’m about 1/3 of the way through, and I’ve already experienced lots of ups and downs. I think from the outside it often looks like I’m a super organized person with boundless energy for creative projects like this so I think it’s important to say that neither of these things are true! The reality of this project is filled with self doubt, late night scrambling, and doing what I can to squeeze little bits of creative time into my schedule.
The first week of the project I was feeling excited and confident, but already by week 2 I was saying to myself “what am I doing this for??” This is a common pattern for me and has caused me to abandon countless projects. One thing I love about the 100 day project is the public accountability— because I said I would do it and I know some friends are watching, I am more committed to finishing. I also thrive under a deadline, so the structure of this project is really helping me keep going. Had I not been doing this project I’m sure I would have put this card deck “on pause” once again because there really does always seem to be something “more important” that can get in the way of any creative project.
All that to say: I’m still at it and despite the ups and downs I’m excited to have a full deck of 100 cards of offline things to do at the end of this project!
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Some Other Good Things
Both the new Harry Styles singles are so fun!
I love how detailed this writer gets about her rituals:
This app One Year is so cute that it’s actually been getting me to log bits about my days. A great way to start practicing gratitude and focusing on the positive!
I recently found out that Kiwi plants can thrive in the bay area so now I’m attempting to grow them from seed. Apparently you need both a male and female plant to get the fruits going so I’ve got a handful of seeds sprouting now in hopes of starting at least one of each. I love a years long project!
this is really it:
I did a new moon ritual earlier this month that I loved— here’s an abridged take on it that you can practice any time you want a little intuitive wisdom to come your way. This ritual involves using the wisdom of water to receive messages. The earth is mostly water, we are mostly water, and water has magical properties that we could benefit from leaning more into— but even if you don’t believe in the mysterious, magical qualities of water, this ritual can help you slow down and get clarity on whatever’s on your mind. Try this out the next time you need a little guidance (or even if you don’t— you never know what will come out of it!)
(1) gather a bowl of water, some salt, a paper and pen. Any salt will do but if you have a mix of salts thats great.
(2) ask the water a question. what are you looking for? what do you need to hear? write down your question and free write about what’s on your mind right now.
(3) focus on your question/writing as you sprinkle salt into the water. talk to the water if you like.
(4) leave your bowl of water on your altar (or in your work space, or wherever feels best) for a few days.
(5) take a bath with your water (add it to your tub as you fill it up— you can add more salts or essential oils too if you like). close your eyes, connect to the water, and receive whatever messages the water has to send your way.
The water has told me some wild stuff you guys. I hope it has good things to say to you!
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Thanks for reading – see you next month!